A Second Year of Random Acts of Kindness

I know a woman and her husband who gave me a wonderful and challenging gift.

I have passed the completion date of the commitment to a year of daily random acts of kindness.  It was in late August, and here we find ourselves in late September. Which also means the one-year anniversary of the death of the young woman has gone by. I have continued to offer up daily RAKs, although I have not been sure if it has been from a continued commitment or sheer momentum.  I am in this space where I know I have learned so much during this past year, have a deep sense I have a long way to go before there would not be more to learn, there is more that I want to say (You: Oh, great….)…., and I am tired (You: Sounds like you should stop…..please…..).   Maybe being tired in itself is a good reason to keep going?  Seems I had a coach once offer (scream at me) that when you are tired is when the best lessons are learned (his language was more colorful). That sounds like a something a coach would say, right?

In addition to what to do regarding continuing daily RAKs, I have also been unsure whether I should continue to blog (You: Sounds like you should stop…..please…..).  I am not sure what that is about.  I am tired?  Floundering in a life filled with Crazy, Busy, and Crazy Busy (God, I could tell you stories)?  Feeling too vulnerable? Questioning whether blogging matters (Face it, the interweb is filled with jokes about how telling people you blog is pretty much met with the same facial expression and interest as if you told them you have 500 pictures of your colonoscopy  you would like to share with them)? To highlight my ambivalence (or is it confusion?), I have written 3 blogs that I have not posted.  I don’t know why.

So many off-key, out-of-sync voices offering such vehement opinions.  What is a small town boy who just wants to find fame and win prizes while making the world a slightly better place and feeling like he has better sense of who he is and how to live a life more consistent with his values supposed to do?  I tell you what; stall making any decisions.  Inspirational, right?

As I noted, despite my lack of certainty about what to do, I have continued to do daily RAKs. Here are the tales of 3 recent RAKs, which will perhaps be of interest. Or not.

#1: A few weeks back, a friend and I were running near where we worked.  We weren’t running far, we weren’t running fast, but we were running which I was feeling kind of smug about.  As we neared the end of our not far, nor fast run, we passed an elderly lady in a wheelchair, by the side of the road.  My friend said we should stop and check on her, which we did.  Turns out she was from the physical rehab hospital we were all standing in front of, waiting for her husband, who drove up right then.  We heard a bit of the story; She was in her late 80’s, her husband in his early 90’s, she had had a fall and was now paralyzed from the waist down and therefore rehab.  The husband said he had it under control (he didn’t).  She said some help would be great.  They bickered a small bit while we got the wheelchair into position, assisted with the transfer into the car and helped him get the wheelchair into the trunk.  He told me a couple old man jokes and away they went.  All in all a nice RAK, although I give full credit of this one to my friend as she was the one who noticed the woman in need.  I was too busy being on a voyage somewhere deep inside my head (one of the many obstacles to seeing a world populated by other human-like creatures) and would not have seen her.

#2: Speaking of wheelchairs, last week my daughter and I were walking her dog on a wooded path near our home that meanders close to the neighborhoods.  We came upon a young women (early 20’s? late teens?) being pushed in a wheelchair by her family.  My guess was recently out of the hospital post car crash, maybe not even out of the hospital yet but on an outing; tall, hard plastic wheelchair for use with spinal cord injuries, no muscle tone in her legs, mildly spastic upper limb movements, speech not fully recovered. Her eyes lit up when she saw the dog and so we stopped to say hello and let her interact with Molly (Haley’s dog). Molly was shy at first, but the woman knew about dogs and stayed still with her arm out.  Molly warmed up and let herself be pet, while the woman asked questions about her.  At one point, Molly was comfortable enough to make an enthusiastic dog request to play; rapid play bow, a couple quick back and forth movements.  The woman pulled back in surprise at the sudden movements.  I quickly explained that Molly was just saying that she wanted to run and play. The woman smiled wistfully and said, “I feel ya, Molly.”  Some eye-juice leaked out of my eye then.

#3: Speaking of young women, I was leaving a Very Important Meeting last Friday that was downtown in one of the Very Important Washington, D.C. Buildings where Very Important People get to go everyday.  This meeting had a great deal of value and was indeed a Very Important Meeting, but my role in it was minimal and almost purely symbolic.  Which means that I sat the Children’s Table trying to do a good job of paying attention to what the Very Important People were saying, reminding myself that it was an honor to be in such a Very Important Building with Such Very Important People at such a Very Important Meeting, while fighting the growing urge to jump up and run around the room, shouting nonsense, flapping my arms.  Given that I successfully avoided doing any of these behaviors, not even a little bit(!), I consider the day to have been highly successfully.

When the meeting ended, it was a stunningly beautiful day (Autumn days can be quite lovely in D.C.) so I decided to walk rather than go to the closest Metro station to catch a train.  After I had walked a couple miles, I looked up the block and saw a young homeless woman, panhandling at the street corner.  It was too far a distance for us to make eye-contact, but it was clear that we had seen each other.  It had been a day of me sitting as still as possible, using those frontal lobes to behave myself, I was tired, many other lame excuses, so I crossed the street to avoid her. Even as I was crossing the street, I was keenly aware that I was going out of my way to avoid her, rather than face the risk of having an encounter with her and the chance of having even the briefest of interactions.  As my foot touched the far curb and stepped up on the sidewalk, I was already deep into dragging my behavior into the direct sunlight of that gorgeous day; not in any kind of harshly judging, name-calling, self-loathing way; rather in a questioning way, a way that would have accepted if I stayed on this side of the street while also curious about why I crossed and if I really wanted to be over on this side of the street, was I really too tired to be present for this young human, even if for just a small time? Was I afraid more than I tired? If so, where did that come from? Her vast canyon of needs? My emotions at facing the sadness of her world and her suffering? The list could go on.

I must admit that I am not sure if it was a choice made from a strong, centered place, or if I just wanted that Damn Hippie voice to shut the fuck up, but I crossed the street at the next light and went back a block to talk to this human.  She was working the cars and I had to say, “excuse me” to get her attention.  I said that it looked like she was having a bad day, gave her some money, and said I hoped her day got better.  She gave me a timid, truly tired smile, said “Yes, a very bad day. God, bless you” then paused and gave me a look a recognition.  “You came back to give this to me.”  I said yes.  Some eye-juiced leaked out of her eye then.  We went out separate ways.

I will leave it to you to draw any lessons or whatever from these stories.  To me they are just stories of recent random acts of kindness, and they touch something that matters to me, even if I can’t find the words to share with you.  Maybe my words wouldn’t be helpful even if I had them?

In writing these RAKs out and putting them in front of myself, as opposed to keep them tucked away in the labyrinth inside my head, I see something on the horizon.  Given that I don’t know what else to do, I guess I will keep walking in that direction; I will commitment to another year of daily random acts of kindness and to sharing with you.  I understand if you decide not come with, although I will go ahead and confess that I hope you do. Turns out, even though at its core it is a personal journey about connecting with people and the world, this is also a lonely and often difficult journey. I would be happy for your company. (You: Oh, great …..)