I know a woman who continues to touch many people’s lives in ways that seem meaningful.  A powerful tribute to her life.

I am starting with a digression (You: seriously? Sigh). Thinking back about the “rules” discussion we had last blog. It occurred to me that I should pass along that there is more than knowing the rules (your’s & other people’s). Knowing of Rules is a key piece to the puzzle, but it turns out you have to act on that knowledge. I will confess that my first response to learning this was, “Are you freaking kidding me? I have to do all this difficult and often painful work to explore nooks and crannies and opening locked trunks in my psychological basement (and yes, it is dark, and there are spiders and rats and scary things down there) to discover and bring a large pile of crazy shit out into the sunshine, and now there is more to do!!??” Not a happy camper. I was sort of hoping there would prizes, hopefully a medal, maybe even a parade. “The winner for Best Personal Insight in a Complicated Human goes to……..Erik!” The crowd cheers, I run to the stage, wiping a tear from my eye. I am a bit chagrined to admit that I even drafted an acceptance speech.

Of course, I knew this, knew that it wasn’t just about knowing or sorting & filing these “wise, deep personal insights” (Can I get an Ohhmmmmmm?). It is about using what you learn to begin and sustain the process of becoming a glob of flesh that is more true to……true to…..who you want to be? Who you are? Who you were before your history buried the real You? I really don’t know. It is apparent though that this process involves acting on those “wise, deep personal insights” which is not a simple task.

You: Got it. Thanks for the….. “wise, deep personal insights.” How about that RAK Challenge thing?
Oh, right….. Ok, a couple weeks back, as I was leaving a convenience store, a man who was also walking out dropped one of the lottery tickets he had just purchased.  I know that is what was dropped because I too was at the store to purchase a slip of desperate hope (Yes, I understand what 740,000,000 to 1 means, but a guy can dream).  I picked it up, called to him and gave it back. Of course when I did, I thought “What if this is the winning ticket?” I suspect he did too.

Lots of different ways to wonder about that RAK (including was that really a RAK or “doing the right thing” but let’s set that question aside…because I want RAK credit for it!). What I want to wonder about is that I know there are people who would say, “What a fucking dumbass! That could have been the winning ticket.” And another group who would say, “What a great act of kindness! That could have been the winning ticket.” What differentiates these two groups of people?  Why do some people get so intensely angry, to the point of sometimes killing each other, when someone cuts them off in traffic, but other people don’t care at all? I had a colleague who once threatened to “ruin my career” because he was in such a panic when he found out my team and I had been working independently for months on an idea and he felt it was his idea. On the other hand, I give ideas away all the time, knowing there are so many cool and exciting ideas, I could never do a fraction of them, please take them and nurture them. If I hold on to them they will wither and die from neglect. (I have many character flaws so don’t think I am trying to say how generous and wonderful I am or whatever)

Again, what differentiates these two groups? Two so different ways of being in the world? Of course the world is not this dichotomous and the reasons are numerous, but I do think there is a core perception that explains much of what puts us into one of these camps. I don’t think it has anything to do with intelligence, education, economic status, religion or any of that stuff. Heck, I don’t think it has anything to do with being a “nice person.”  What then?  I think under all the many factors that contribute to this way of responding is a person’s answer to a simple core question that colors how we view and interact with our world.

The question: Is there enough? Yes or no? The implications of the answer run deep.

Do you feel in your bones that the world is a place of plenty or scarcity? If you believe there is Not Enough, the world becomes a place of winners and losers. You have to prepare for the long winter, for the drought, the time of famine that will surely come. It feels like when things are given to others, it means you get less. You lose when others gain. To protect yourself you need to fight for every resource and see others as competitors who will potentially steal what you need. Do not let down your guard or you will lose. Someone cuts you off in traffic? They are taking from you. Someone has the same idea as you? They have clearly stolen from your precious hoard. Not Enough is a painful way to live.

At times in my life when I found myself coming from a place of Not Enough, I felt tense, constricted, anxious, grasping, putting others down in order to undermine their chance to be given what I needed to feel good about myself. I felt small.

If you believe there is Enough, then others receiving does not mean less for you. You don’t have to be constantly on guard that others are stealing what you need. There are certainly still many psychological monsters to be afraid of and demons to struggle with, but this is one less fear, and it is a huge one to be able to ignore because it is so fundamental. If there is Enough, it becomes easier to let go.

Based on the last few months of daily random kindness, it feels like being able to let go is a foundation. Seems you could still do RAK but the kind acts available to you would be narrow and your ability to sustain this type of kindness impaired. Of course if Not Enough is part of every breath, then RAK is impossible. Not Enough is a painful way to live. Not Enough puts you into a tiny box. Not Enough creates a canyon between you and Love.

What do you think? What do you feel? Is there enough?